Here is the weekly Ward’s World column, by the eccentric John Ward…
In today’s globe we have advanced so rapid in the two know-how and science but leaving frequent sense some way powering in some scenarios, with fixing challenges that in all probability did not exist or have now been sorted if the following nugget of facts is something to judge by.
I was channel/station hopping on the radio not too long ago as one merchandise caught my ear – briefly – as any individual was being interviewed, who appeared to be both a scientist or a reformed door to door salesman judging by his fashion of talking.
He was speaking about “the study into acquiring batteries that could (note the word ‘could’) possibly (be aware the term ‘possibly’) energy an aeroplane for brief flights originally but with any luck , thereafter transatlantic flights may perhaps perfectly be feasible given time to build an electrical motive ability for aviation”.
I assume I should really have stopped on just one station as the adverts about memory foam mattresses appeared to have cracked the aspiration-like scenario with no resorting to battery-powered planes, if you get my drift, but if nothing else I experienced grasped two text that meant one thing – could and possibly.
Which in a roundabout sort of way delivers us to this week’s thrilling instalment of enlightenment and schooling the Ward Way – remember to take note this is not readily available anyplace else, for which lots of may perhaps perfectly consider them selves fortunate.
The ‘could and possibly’ little bit took on a complete new this means some yrs back when my mum, of the folks for the folks, asked if I could pop together to see her friend and neighbour Joan who was ‘a bit worried about her property not staying a fortress’ (?!) so I stated I would go along, pondering if nothing at all else it could/would be a finding out curve of sorts.
I popped alongside, rang Joan’s doorbell then stood there.. and stood there – but with no reply I thought she could (that term yet again) or may well be out someplace . As I was likely to walk absent, I read a muffled voice ask: “Who is it? – do I know you?”
I realised she was conversing via the letterbox flap, so I bent down to converse with her as I explained who I was, who mum was as it was she who experienced sent me along to see her about whatsoever she preferred executing, with a ‘fortress’ becoming mentioned in passing.
The flap went down as I stood there, bent over, as it then opened once more – the flap – as she asked if I was continue to there (?) – should really I say possibly really probable or could be (them text yet again, but in different context) as I mentioned of course as the flap went down as the door opened following the sound of about 4 or five bolts/locks currently being undone – no portcullis or drawbridge, so not pretty a fortress then.
I was invited in as the moment more than the threshold the repeat method of locking the location up commenced as she said that she “didn’t get lots of guests you know” as the considered crossed my intellect that the ‘vetting process’ I experienced just long gone as a result of might have set them off as it may have been a lot quicker to go by way of the examine-in at an airport terminal, wherever electrical planes had not appeared still, and fly off to unique sites.
I was demonstrated into the lounge as she questioned: “Did your mum inform you about my problem?” which I will have to admit did a bit fill me with dread – a swift getaway was out the issue because of to the multitude of locks and bolts on the front door placing paid to that frivolous thought.
First off she instructed I “made myself comfortable” as she went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea, which was quickly completed as she arrived again and asked me if I “liked them digestive biscuits” but just before I could reply she stated she “was out of them until eventually I go procuring next” so I settled for a custard cream biccy with tea.
We sat slooping tea as she informed me about “her problem”: her husband Stan experienced now departed this environment so she was on her very own but due to looking at programmes on the telly about men and women staying attacked in their homes, she was anxious that (estimate): “One morning I could (that term) wake up to discover I have been murdered in my sleep” as she was totally knowledgeable that “these points are possible” (yep, also that word again).
So she required thoughts as what to do – devoid of her Stan to rely on, her sister lived in Norwich and so “not handy” to get in touch with on, she was not guaranteed “who to check with or what to do about, you know, staying confronted by a murderer late at night” in her individual residence.
I could see she was serious and pretty apprehensive but as to what brought this on was anybody’s guess as I prompt that undoubtedly she did not continue to keep substantial quantities of money or valuables about the house that would entice any ruffian or ne’er-do-perfectly forms.
Her eyes lit up as she claimed she continue to experienced the £53 she won at bingo a several months back again but she considered that: “People will have forgotten about it by now – wouldn’t they?”
Her possess strategy was she needed a lock fitting on her bed room doorway, which was easy enough but lockable from the inside but owning the key by her bedside to which I duly sorted out for her afterwards that day following nipping to the nearby ironmongers.
I experienced a experience matters were being likely much too very well as she surveyed the lock and questioned about the hook or the place was I likely to position it as I was a bit mystified as she stated she required it “near the door of course but on the outdoors as she had her own key”. She then stated: “It needs to be shut in scenario anything transpires and they want to get in to me.”
Who ‘they’ could be – burglars, murderers or the unexpected emergency expert services – was not pointed out but could – or perhaps – be any or all of them, who realized?